As of right now...

There is one less jar of peanut butter in the world.

It's a hard word, like BEAUCOUPS

Hey, I found out how to pronounce "Abu Ghraib." And it's pretty hard. In Arabic, some of the consonant clusters have soft (sort of French-type rolling) or hard (sort of Scottish-type explosion) pronunciations; Ghraib is hard to say. You need to start with the French R and proceed to more of the Scottish sound. I don't even know how to spell it.

So, let's all cut the president some slack on his various efforts at saying "Abu Ghraib" the other night. Arabic's hard!

Instead, let's go back to poking fun at him because he says "nuke-yah-ler." Or "subliminable." "Misunderestimate."

Or when he called Afghans "Afghanis" (that was their money). Or when he called Pakistanis "Pakis" (that's sort of a real dirty word in Pakistan, and, remember, they're nuke-yah-ler now, so we should watch what we say).

Or my personal favorite, when we asserted last year that "free nations do not develop weapons of mass destruction." Except for damn near all of them.

Don't believe everything you read, volume MCMXII

It's now all over the news that there were no enemy troops present when former NFL star Pat Tillman was killed in Afghanistan. That's right: he was killed by mistake, by his own guys.

And it's been all over the news that the prison abuse scandal is much wider than the Defense Department leaders indicated in their much-publicized testimony in front of the Senate Armed Forces Committee a couple of weeks ago. In fact, it appears incontrovertible that the Red Cross handed the Pentagon a full report detailing the abuses on NOVEMBER 5 and 6 of last year. That means, in the best case, the Pentagon sat on the information for well over two months before issuing a public statement. That means, in the best case, that SIX MONTHS passed before the Defense Secretary and his boss even SAW ANY PROOF ABOUT WHAT WAS BEING INVESTIGATED. In fact, if Rumsfeld and Bush are to be believed, I saw the photos before they did. I know, I know, but there are still many people who believe what these two guys say.

In keeping with the infallible tradition of predicting that all major news released by the Pentagon is disinformation, I feel confident in asserting that the beheading of Nick Berg is NOT AS IS SEEMS. I don't think he was in the custody of "terrorists" in the video, I don't think he was still alive when the head was actually chopped off, I think the scream you hear on the audio is a hilariously bad overdub of a woman (or a very small man), and I would not be surprised if the event was staged by somebody in covert operations.

The public may find out a lot in the next few days about the Nick Berg fiasco, and the news may be driven by the reliable muckraker Michael Moore. Apparently, one of the odder aspects of Moore's new documentary concerns some of the footage he LEFT OUT: twenty minutes of an interview with none other than Nick Berg, ostensibly concerning the odd lengths to which his life intertwined with alleged-20th-hijacker Zaccarius Moussaoui.

Remember: nothing the Pentagon shows you is real. They are much more concerned with winning the hearts and minds of the American public than they are with the occupied populations in the Middle East. So they have to "edit" what happens. You know, like American Idol. Hey, we still get a vote, right? It's all good.

Maybe Ruben Studdard could be prime minister of Iraq. And don't tell me he's too obese; have you seen pictures of Ariel Sharon lately? Wow, that's a fatty!


Here's a quick checklist of things in 2003-2004 that the Pentagon said. As far as I can tell, none of these are true at all.

1) Saddam Hussein had chemical weapons and was close to having a nuclear weapon.
2) The Iraqi oil revenues would be enough to pay for the reconstruction of Iraq.
3) When the statue of Saddam was toppled in April 2003, viewers were led to believe that it was a spontaneous celebration of new freedom by ordinary Iraqis. It's complete hogwash: the plaza where the statue fell was CORDONED OFF BY AMERICAN TANKS SO THAT ORDINARY IRAQIS COULDN'T GET IN. The celebrants were members of Ahmed Chalabi's Iraqi National Congress, a group now shown to have betrayed American intelligence secrets to Iran.
4) Jessica Lynch was captured and brutalized by her Iraqi captors, and a daring nighttime commando raid was necessary to save her. Again, pure bull-pucky: an Iraqi doctor had been fired upon by U. S. troops when he tried to return her to U. S. custody the day before the raid, and the hospital was unguarded and not a threat. It turns out Lynch exhibited no signs of sexual trauma.
5) Of course, "combat operations" were declared over on May 1, 2004. The word "major" was added a week later when even the White House realized that the original statement wouldn't wash. Obviously, U. S. troops are still enmeshed in major combat operations.
6) Saddam Hussein was found in hiding. Technically, of course, that's correct. But I contend he was held in captivity by somebody for weeks, at least, before the highly-publicized capture took place. People with one hundred billion dollars in the bank don't let their beards get all mangly like that, ever.


On a fun, Sunday afternoon side note, did you know that Saddam Hussein holds (or held) key ownership stakes in several major American and European companies? Like the company that makes the air-transport things you ride on from terminal to terminal in large airports? He owns (owned) that. I guess I don't know how much he owns anymore. For all I know, he's in Duluth running a blues club.

Get a hit, Crash.

I heard some LaRouche advertisements on the radio last week here in Dakota Territory, because the Democratic Presidential Primary is coming up. The whole primary process is such an obscene joke that I can't believe anybody takes it seriously, unless they stand to gain financially from the process (like media outlets, candidates, staffs, party networks, pundits, etc.). But for some reason LaRouche's organization has seen fit to increase its media presence here.

I was walking to the post office not long ago and there was a rather old man distributing LaRouche leaflets and brochures outside the front door of the post office, where all the national newspapers are. He said, "Would you like to read what's really going on?" and he handed me some stuff. As he said this, a woman walked by and snickered, like she could tell that the guy was crazy or something. Well, I've thought about it, and I'm going to have to side with the old man on this one. First of all, he was polite and she was rude. And from all the various sources I've read, it doesn't appear that LaRouche's researchers are worse than the tripe that gets printed in the nation's most influential newspapers (and haven't we all played the spelling game, where you each get a page of the Argus Leader and the winner is the person that can find ten spelling or grammatical errors in the shortest amount of time). I didn't notice any spelling errors in the LaRouche material.

Let's face it: LaRouche is pretty goofy. I don't know why anybody would vote for him. But if you can ignore the odd messianic complex that infects all of his literature, you'll find some interesting information mixed in there, stuff that should get much more attention in the mainstream press, but doesn't. It reminds me of the story of an American professor talking to some Russian colleagues during the Cold War. The American was very impressed at the command of current issues and geopolitics that the Russians displayed; in fact, they seemed to know more about the topic than the American did. "How do you guys know so much?" he asked.

"We read Pravda."

"But I thought Pravda was full of propaganda."

"You have to know HOW to read Pravda," said the Russians, smiling.

I think the problem is probably more severe here in the United States. The illusion of a free, inquisitive press is a very comfortable illusion, but it results all too often in a delusional trust in what the government says. Another example from the Cold War featured a Russian diplomat saying "I much prefer your public to ours. The main difference between our countries is that you believe your government."

So now, the news comes out that the man who will lead Iraq as the transitional prime minister is the SAME GUY who supplied the claim that Saddam could attack Britain with biological weapons on forty-five minutes' notice. The SAME GUY. This claim is ridiculous; it's so demonstrably false that it would be funny that anybody believed it, except for all the war and death and whatnot. Let's see what our Pravdas-on-the-Potomac have to say about him.

So, to summarize: LaRouche is a screwball and I don't believe much of what he says. This is basically how I feel about every presidential candidate. Why would anybody want to be President?

Then again, as Vonnegut asks, "Why would anybody want to be human?"

Wumpus facts, part I.

Here are some things that I noticed about Wumpus at their terrific show last night at the Brickhouse Brewery:

1) My brother found his trombone somewhere.

2) On any day of the week, you can march right in to Saver's and get yourself a pretty cool tie.

3) Rory Bonk's particular mix of instruments will fail to be understood by most sound men.

4) Everybody loves songs about the devil, except for that one song by Motley Crue.

5) Wumpus defeated the radio jocks! After about a half-hour, the radio jocks disappeared!

Fun, right? If you're keeping score at home, it's radio jocks 3, Wumpus 1. If you are concerned about how radio jocks got three points for apparently no reason, then I'm right there with you! How the hell did that happen? I'll have to check into it this afternoon.

To the Spooncat! Nation

I hope you're all getting your pirate costumes ready! Don't wait until the last minute! I fear a run on pirate props near the end of June!

(Psst: what are their TIMBERS? Are they talking about their legs?)

For three whole days I avoided it, like when no one talks about Grandpa.

You know, I had heard that the White House Boss Guy had stumbled rather badly Monday night, during his speech, when he tried to pronounce ABU GHRAIB. I figured it's no big deal. He only had two dress rehearsals with the army of consultants and full teleprompters, and since I've had three rehearsals with the crew, I figured I'd have a better chance at the whole ABU GHRAIB pronunciation. More rehearsals, right?

(By the way: it's pronounced pretty much exactly the way it's spelled. No tricks. Like AH-BOO GRABE. Also, GREB works. No one will make a fuss if you pronounce it GRABE or GREB. Also, since some people are from Texas, I think they can even get away with more of an AAAH-BOOH, instead of the darkel vowel.)

But when I listened back to the audio of the Monday speech, I was surprised. He really botched it. The first crack at it he says ABU Gahrrrr-RAPE like he's daring someone else at a party to belch as loudly as he can. Then the second time, it sounds a lot like he's saying EVA GABOR. Finally, a swing and a miss, GRETA GA-BAH. Only two rehearsals!

OK, I'm kidding about the last one: it's more of an ABU GEHR-ROB. He stammers a bit, but he almost got it right. I bet he was psych-ing himself out, like the dad in those commercials.

How great is it that we had an EVA GABOR moment in our Monday night speech? I'd say it's pretty great. I have some other names I would like to hear mentioned in the subsequent Monday addresses:

Robert Mitchum
Steve Guttenberg
The Dahm triplets
Hugo Montenegro
Bill Laimbeer
John Steever

How great would it be if he said John Steever? Just blurt it out in the middle of a sentence, I say! John deserves nothing less.

Hell yeah!

What's the word on the street?

You wanna fight?

You some sort of Iranian spy or somethin'?

Avast ye...

Goddamn it, there's going to be so many pirates at our super-secret "Pirates 'n' Booty" show in June! I don't know what's going to happen! And the booty! The booty!

It'll be like a Raiders game, but with a better drummer.

What's with all the injuries?

It hurts my head just thinking about it.

Ouchers.

God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut.

I know, I know, he's pretty atheist; it's a play on one of his titles.

Vonnegut has a good piece out this week called "Cold Turkey." Here are a few of the gems:

Concerning the U. S. troops and their morale (as compared to WW II): "They are being treated, as I never was, like toys a rich kid got for Christmas."

"Doesn't anything socialistic make you want to throw up? Like great public schools or health insurance for all?"

"For some reason, the most vocal Christians among us never mention the Beatitudes. But, often with tears in their eyes, they demand that the Ten Commandments be posted in public buildings. And, of course that's Moses, not Jesus."

"There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president. But, when you stop to think about it, only a nut case would want to be a human being, if he or she had a choice. Such treacherous, untrustworthy, lying and greedy animals we are!"

"Listen. All great literature is about what a bummer it is to be a human being."

"And do you know why I think he [Bush] is so pissed off at Arabs? They invented algebra. Arabs also invented the numbers we use, including a symbol for nothing, which nobody else had ever had before. You think Arabs are dumb? Try doing long division with Roman numerals!"

"But I'll tell you one thing: I once had a high that not even crack cocaine could match. That was when I got my first driver's license! Look out, world, here comes Kurt Vonnegut!"


Great stuff...

Mr. Face-First

Seriously, people fall down. It happens. And if you ride a mountain bike around your ranch, it isn't unreasonable to slip up on rough terrain and take a tumble on your bike. Some abrasions on the chin, nose, a couple cuts on the knees. It stings, but no big deal.

But, simply because he's compelled to do it, Mr. Bush managed to lie about the reason he fell off of his bike. He claimed that "it's been raining a lot in Crawford."

But it isn't raining a lot in Crawford. I mean, it's easy to check. There are many, many sources one can find that will show you exactly where and when the rain falls. And, while it did rain in the middle of May on one day, Crawford had enjoyed six dry days of sunshine before the bike mishap.

I tell you, it's like this on every issue with him and his people. It's truly remarkable. As one blogger wrote, if the Bush Administration tells you it's daytime, you damn well better check for yourself.

I suppose the good news, if one wants to DIG DEEPER (say it with me), is that superficial, unimportant things like falling off of a bike or choking on a pretzel can suck the oxygen and resources out of other, IMPORTANT stories. If Mr. Bush is fortunate, the press won't dig as deeply into the revelations that the Iraqi defectors were working for Iranian intelligence. Yes, that's right: there's an emerging line of argument, supported by several prominent current or former intelligence operatives, that the Iraqi scientists that Ahmed Chalabi's INC sent all over the American airwaves in the run-up to the Iraq invasion of 2003 were working FOR IRAN. The theory was, Iran was waiting for an administration that was so desperate to invade Iraq that they'd believe ANYTHING. Iran got their wish, the defectors told lies about Saddam's weapons capabilities, the president and the Pentagon believed it, the U. S. invaded Iraq, and now the entire country is destabilized. Certainly, the situation in Iraq is near the worst-case scenario: the worst predictions of civil unrest if we LEFT SADDAM IN POWER mentioned milder versions of the sorts of things happening every day. However, there is a crucial difference; under the present scenario, our military is overstretched and spent. This is the crux behind Iran's intelligence motivations. If the U. S. gets bogged down in Iraq, it can't invade Iran.

I wonder who'd be dumb enough to fall for that stuff.

I assume the Bush Administration will strike their photos of this year's State Of The Union address. You know, the pictures that show Ahmed Chalabi SITTING RIGHT BEHIND LAURA BUSH, applauding the president's punch lines. That's good exposure for a man wanted in Jordan on bank fraud (he was convicted in absentia); in fact, it was the meeting with Jordan's Crown Prince Abdullah where Bush and his men were told about Chalabi's Iranian subterfuge. It appears that Jordan, after having Britain and the U. S. ignore the extradition requests for Chalabi, just decided to investigate the guy on their own. And U. S. taxpayers have sent Chalabi's organization 34 million dollars since 2000, money that could have been used on Spooncat! instead.

A couple heapings of it this week for Mr. Face-First. But I suppose it can get worse. It can always get worse.

I encourage you to find information on the worldWIDE web (say it with me) about how Iran totalled pulled one over on the U. S. of A. Forget soccer*! Espionage is the new bloodsport!



*or "football", as the socialists call it.

The glaciers are melting, the glaciers are melting...

A hearty hello from Juneau, Alaska, where people just seem taller.

Juneau is my favorite city in Alaska. It's sort of Deadwood-ish, or Lead-ish, for those of you familiar with the boomtowns of the Black Hills of South Dakota.

Here's the most interesting thing about our trip so far: for four days in a row, either the Rainmaker, Raine (Power Play's vocalist/bassist), or I had a server try to talk us out of a meal at their restaurant. First, Raine had a woman tell him, "Don't have the steak sandwich. You want a French dip," followed by me being tsk-tsked in Kenai on Friday for ordering the Vegetable Chimichanga at Don Jose's. Our server, who plays the cello, told me she doesn't "trust" meals without meat. At that point, I told her about Chris Miller's standby line, "I don't eat anything that didn't have parents. On Saturday, some well-meaning woman tried to talk the Rainmaker out of his side order of cole slaw at Piper's in Anchorage. "Well, I guess we have a new chef," she muttered. "Maybe he has a better recipe for it..." Finally, on Monday the cycle started all over again, with Molly at the Red Fox in Fairbanks trying to steer Raine away from the drummies (too small and expensive, she said). Unfortunately, the string was halted temporarily today; in fact, our server at Fernando's in Juneau said everything on the menu was great. And, after eating the food, we suspected she was right.

Oh, and one other note: in Anchorage last Saturday night, the break music that was blaring through the arena was none other than Live Animals. A woman, after finding out that I was in the band playing on the PA system, asked if she could pick up the album anywhere in Anchorage. "We don't really have a distribution network in Alaska," I explained.

"You have a post office; we're still part of the U. S."

"Yes, yes, you are."


I've been away from the next room for too long. There, the Rainmaker is cleaning up playing poker against the promoters, Raine, Johnny Preston, and a couple of the Diamonds.

Imagine that, Rainmaker taking money from the guy who sang "Leave My Kitten Alone."

EP Titles

Tiger, You're Fulla Liver
The Spain Effect
Dancing About Architecture

Better than a movie.

Believe it or not, the name of the head of military intelligence at the Abu Ghraib prison is Colonel Foster Payne. I'm not kidding; that's his actual name.

Foster Payne.

To all the moral absolutists...

Yeah. I'm talking to you--the people who insist that foreign policy issues are black and white, that we are right and they are wrong.

We'll, just some friendly advice. It's May now, and the school year is almost over. Next year you'll be in the ninth grade! Finally, high school!

Well, it's quite a change, and over the summer you'll need to get some pretty thick skin! That's right! Those seniors can be bullies!

Good luck getting into swing choir.

Two legs bad.

Four legs good.

Chomsky cruises past aging rockers to second round!

Noam Chomsky scored a surprising daytime upset, defeating Aerosmith 454-379 and winning the best-of-five series, three games to one. Chomsky moved on to the conference semifinals, where he had enough in the tank to win his game 1 matchup with Toby Keith, 396-318.

The other semifinal features what many observers consider to be the two most formidable teams in the Limewire league, and in game 1, Pink Floyd ran away with a 1379-710 victory over the Grateful Dead.

To the second conference: as advertised, one half of the bracket was closely contested. The other featured a disastrous loss for the favorite. First of all, Maroon 5 pulled away from an exciting match to outpace Monty Python 424-310 in their opening game. Maroon 5 was led by 149 points from their hit song, and it proved to be the difference.

And Chet Baker (yes, Chet Baker) scored an improbably easy 277-96 win over Saturday Night Live, who trailed early and was left scratching its collective head afterward. "We had nothing working tonight except 'Celebrity Jeopardy', and everybody knows that's not going to get it done against a musician with a catalogue as extensive at Chet Baker's," said a dejected Will Ferrell.

Stay tuned for the game 2s!

A Shiny, New Worry

Lately I've become very worried for the whole notion of probability. The realistic distribution of points on a graph. The reliable UNCERTAINTY of chance.

I'm worried about it because absolutely everything the Bush Administration touches in Iraq goes wrong. Everything. And lately, it hasn't even been a total wrongness based on incompetence; some of the wrongness has just been plain bad luck, Murphy's Law piling onto a naked pyramid of false assertions. One would presume that the Bush Administration would get SOMETHING right, occasionally, just due to dumb luck, due to the rules of probability. Right? Don't we enlightened types operate on the presumption that modern statistics, the census, actuarial sciences, the finite chaos of a roulette wheel, regression to the mean, the thankfully short career of Vanilla Ice--don't we assume that probability is valid? That these things even out A LITTLE BIT, over time? I mean, the Cubs COULD win, right? They're not competing against cruel chance, just other teams. Right?

But no, my belief in the reliability of chaos is being shaken to the core as each new nugget of bad news comes from Iraq. Let's start with the unfortunate decision to declare "Mission Accomplished" last May 1, followed by the swift and apparently arbitrary decision to disband the entire Iraqi Army, while STILL ALLOWING THEM TO KEEP THEIR GUNS. Just in the last week one of our tanks managed to blow a minaret off a mosque in Fallujah (the day we announced we would only go after military targets), and Paul Bremer managed to single-handedly start a Shiite uprising against the occupation by shutting down the small but virulent newspaper of radical cleric Muqtada al Sadr. Our airplanes used some more 500-pound bombs on Fallujah (where a lot of people live), while we announced we would not leave until we "destroyed or captured" the insurgents there. Then the Marines left, two days later, hastily turning over power to a former Saddamist general. Then the insurgents threatened to kill the general, and he announced he wouldn't arrest any of them.

Then there's the flag! This fiasco was entirely controllable. We sponsored a flag contest and the winner just happened to be the brother of the chairman of the competition, and the design reminded everybody of Israel's flag. The Israeli flag and the American flag are probably the only two flags IN THE WORLD that any sensible person would have avoided any similarity to, at least when forcing a new Iraqi flag on the people. This move had the brilliant tactical advantage of aligning the Saddamists with the Shiite insurgents, who had previously been fighting each other. And now both groups have a powerful new symbolic weapon: the OLD FLAG! Brilliant.

However, the pictures from Abu Ghraib take the cake. "Vietnam on crack cocaine," someone called it. And, of course, it's hard to blame the President for the actions of a half-dozen privates in Iraq. Except the problem, according to the military's internal report, is much more widespread, and THE PRESIDENT HASN'T YET READ THE REPORT, AND NEITHER HAS DONALD RUMSFELD. I've read the report, easily found on the worldWIDE web (say it with me), but these two guys haven't yet read the report. Remember, it was Rumsfeld's specific (and contested) decision to apply the Guantanamo Bay methods of interrogation to the Iraqi detention centers; you'd think he'd be interested in the internal report about how that's all going...

So everything these guys touch goes wrong. First we said it's just Baathist deadenders fighting us, then foreign fighters, then Al-Qaeda sympathizers, now it appears to be "people in Iraq, who, you know, want their power back on." They're shooting at our troops in every single corner of the country. After our condemnation and belittlement of the UN and its Security Council, we responded by asking them for reinforcements and money. And, when rebuked, we attempted to bribe them. Failing that, we now angrily maintain that they were in corrupt cohoots with Saddam Hussein's Oil-for-Food program. This doesn't strike me as the preferred method of diplomacy, especially when you really need the help.

Oh, also, it appears that all the prewar "evidence" talking of all these impressive weapons in Iraq was invented or greatly exaggerated by members of the Iraqi National Congress, the group headed by Ahmed Chalabi. Chalabi is the guy who has been ordered to stand trial in Jordan on bank fraud charges, and who has managed to embroil himself in financial controversy on four continents! Last week, it was revealed that Chalabi is actually selling sensitive information about US troop movement and dealings... TO IRAN! He was (still is?) Rumsfeld's choice to run the new Iraq.

So it's all going wrong. And I'm not really all that outraged in a political sense... I EXPECTED the Bush Administration to get almost everything wrong. But this seems more wrong than it should be. Our old standby, the odds of chance, appear to have left the scene.

It's probably too late to worry too much about the events in Iraq breaking in America's favor. "Hey! What about all that 'one in a million' stuff?" We need probability. A world without unpredictability scares me even more than a world with President Bush.

UNBELIEVABLE! Fever pitch for game 3.

WOW! It was an electric atmosphere on Limewire for Game 3 of the Aerosmith-Noam Chomsky first-round matchup. Aerosmith got out to a commanding lead, riding 51 points by "Sweet Emotion." But OUT OF NOWHERE Chomsky closed the gap and surged to a remarkable, 511-454 win, taking a commanding 2-to-1 lead in the best-of-five series. Chomsky featured a balanced attack led by 32 points from an eighty minute lecture on linguistics and philosophy.

Game four will be tomorrow whenever I think of it.

Ouch! Chomsky goes down hard in game 2, 453-206.

Yeah, happy Weekend of Mayo to "Jon."

Yeah, you wanna fight? You wanna fight Captain? He'll hit you so hard you'll cough up all the mayo (it's Spanish).

If some of you are confused by our Spanish, I'm sure you could find out about the rich Spanish language over on the worldWIDE web (say it with me).

Very very tricky, I almost didn't catch it. Very tricky.

I see Bronko has started posting entries under the mysterious handle "Jon." So let me warn everyone: if you see a post by this "Jon," don't believe it. It's really Bronko and his subterfuge.

On another point, I'm pleased to announce two (2) things that are related to the worldWIDE web (say it with me). One: I just did a Limewire search of "Aerosmith" and "Noam Chomsky" and Noam Chomsky won, 316-314!! This changes my whole outlook on people who stay up late at night. Either that, or only people at Macalester College use Limewire.

The second point: I saw a new blog in the comments section of pandagon.net, a new blog that I'd share with both of you. Fafblog. I don't remember the web address, but I'm sure you can google on the worldWIDE web (say it with me). The part I like about it most is the header, or whatever you call the phrase up at the top of the browser window. On Fafblog it says "Fafblog! The World's Only Source For Fafblog." It's terrific. I'm going to use that quote with our band.

Spooncat! The World's Only Source For Fafblog.

Maybe whoever this "Jon" charlatan is can tell me what's wrong with the preceding sentence. Or maybe he's too busy worrying, simply overreacting.

Weekend de Mayo

Once again the time has come to celebrate a day that means so much to us dear South Dakotans. Of course I am talking about the Cinco de Mayo. And of course all of us know the significance of this blessed day in American history. Yet each year this specific day is superseded by whichever day is most convenient to host a big ass party at a quasi-Mexican establishment. This year it happened to be Uno de Mayo. The Irish have their St. Patrick's Day (I guess we all share in any culture or nation's festivities when it gives us a reason to get smashed and call in late for work the next day - and we make fun of high schoolers for hyping up prom!) which always occurs on March 17. Impressive considering it is not called March 17th day. Then I suppose we could gerrymander that unimportant "17" into any district of the calendar that fits into our schedule. Then Mexicans should be proud that this day is picking up momentum in a country that tends to take a few hundred years to welcome a new substantial minority. They should also, however, be offended by the severe lack of understanding of this day and when and why it is celebrated on a day other than the 5th.

Bronko

P.S. Happy Mother's Day to my mother today. It fit into my schedule better. Sundays can be so hectic without church and all.

Mayor's Awards For The Arts

It's true. Our "Chocolate Chips And Gunpowder" tour includes a sneak preview this Friday night at the Mayor's Awards For The Arts in Sioux Falls. The show is at 8:00 p. m. at The Belbas Theater in the Washington Pavilion complex. The program is free, and we'll play three songs, two of which no one has ever heard before (unless we change which songs we're playing, you know).

There is a reception at 6:30 in the Schulte Room, which costs $15. But it's fun. Lots of artsy types. DSSTM will be there, in the flesh.

what's the word on the street?

you wanna fight?

Bloody Sunday

Light blogging for a couple of days. Real life encroaches.

Here's a discussion topic: how freaking terrible are those pictures of American soldiers torturing Iraqi prisoners?

Well Alright

Starchild here...

Comin' for to carry you home...

This is true.

You know what I think? I think people eat too much. If you don't believe me, just look at other people.

Porkers.

Live report from the House Of Gord

Hello, all. The following is a live report from Ra'tian Gord-o's pad in sunny Sioux Falls, South Dakota. First, a short greeting from The Rainmaker:

Swingin' hot! If you've ever been cooking without oil, you'll know what I mean. hot. Have you ever wanted to put your fingers in wet paint? Today I had a strange feeling that wet paint on my fingers would feel good. I didn't find out how good it feels since all the paint I found was dry and cracked. Kind of like crackers. Keebler crackers. You know, the elven crackers. Not those shitty ritz things. Well I'm going to turn it over to our wonderful host Rich...

Rich here. Whet paint an my ffingeers outtt damm


OK, it's Jeremy again. Rich appears to have a whole new outlook on the evening. Snip, don't go copying any of Rich's spelling techniques. With Rich, it's artistic ingenuity. With Snip, it's just pathetic...

OK, one more quick perspective at the House Of Gord. Bronko...

I cannot stand to see what is happening to my Christian brethren right now. I need to go do some blow.

kat: alright, you crazy bastages... (by the way, jer hates the word, BASTAGE) that's all i wanted to say...BASTAGE.

Another word I hate.

When people say "bastage" as a slang-type deal for "bastard." I don't like BASTAGE.

I like BASTION, though.

The Judge

Now that I think about it, I feel that we need someone on this blog whose nickname is The Judge. Whoever ends up being The Judge would have a fun time. They would go around posting things and dispensing justice and they would always have clever things to say, like, "No one's above the law!" or "Whaddya think I am, The Pope too?"

I'll take nominations in the comments section. Bronko and Captain and Snip, you already have names so you can't be The Judge.

One word I hate!

If you want to know one word I hate, I'd have to say DOOHICKEY.

Discuss...

More welcomes...

A hearty welcome to the Amazing Bronko, who infiltrated his way into the comments section, just simply making things up, not even aware of what little time we've budgeted for him and his question.

Also, hello to Brother TJ, who, by the way, will be a featured narrator on the new Spooncat! song "TJ's Lucky Day Litany." It's about one of TJ's lucky days. TJ was the first paying customer at our first-ever gig. He also has been the first person to buy each of our three compact discs, although do a... ahem... clerical error, I believe he was about the 513th person to actually RECEIVE our "Live Animals" disc last year. Look for the details of that fiasco in our even newer song, "TJ's Un-Lucky Day Litany (House Mix)".

So, welcome, fellas. Bronko will play the role of The Sun King, while TJ provides us with our Token Conservative. However, TJ and I decided last night that we were both "outside" and "above" the whole political stew. "What a bunch of freakin' morons!" we said, and then we drank some beer.

Snip, since we're "outside" and "above" the political stew for at least the next thirty seconds, now might be a good time to apologize to TJ for that "Does TJ even believe in global warming?" crack.

Let's spar in the comments section, fellas. Spar in the comments section.

We're keepin' it clean.

Guess what? We're playing three songs on Friday.

In Sioux Falls. In the Belbas Theater in downtown Sioux Falls. For the annual Mayor's Awards For The Arts program.

I think the actual program (8:00, May 7) is open to the public. I'll find out for sure.

It'll sure be fun to play three songs!