Matinee idol

I saw Napoleon Dynamite today. Go see it. You won't have the advantage I had, of almost no one else in the theater and Bronko laughing out loud the whole movie, but go see it anyway.

The Top Hat revisits the opening night of the Democratic National Convention.

I gladly missed all of the Democratic National Convention goings-on last night, because I was watching a baseball game. But when I decided to walk over to the Top Hat at about 11:30, I was quickly appraised of the night's events.

According to a couple of people who were drinking (and whose opinion on music, if not politics, I generally trust), Bill Clinton gave a remarkable speech. One guy who loves Hillary thought she was terrific; the other guy, who hates Hillary, thought she was awful. A woman entered the conversation and commented that she liked seeing all the different delegates and how diverse a picture they presented of the party. And then somebody else said they'd take Bill O'Reilly over Michael Moore anyday! And a woman who just moved here from Orlando said "Those are fightin' words in this bar!"

But there was no fighting, even though the Moore-hater spent the next half-hour trying to explain his comments.

One guy said, "I couldn't understand what Carter was saying! How did he ever get to be president?" Well, some perspective. Carter was president TWENTY-FIVE YEARS ago. He's old, and he's Southern. Sometimes it's hard to understand old Southern gentlemen, even if they're statesmen. Secondly, his 1976 opponent was Gerald Freaking Ford, who has not made a post-presidency splash on the public-speaking circuit. Think about it: Gorbachev and Clinton, even Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu, these former leaders make GOBS of money speaking around the world. Where does Ford appear? Then again, Ford is quite old as well. I don't begrudge anybody's wishes to retire in peace and quiet.

Anyway, that's how Carter got to be president.

TDO 2036!

Thattaboy, Toby!

A good multi-part rebuttal to my post on the Linda Ronstadt situation, or lack thereof. It's true, the original AP article isn't all that inflammatory. My post wasn't based on the AP story alone, or even all that much; it just happened to be the first stone in a weird game of pitch-and-catch in the media the last week. There have been editorials, bloggers' asides, and webzine commentaries, along with the usual milieu of talking heads analysis on the cable shows, and the Ronstadt issue has, like many other cultural/political intersections, become seriously distorted as a result. And, as commenter "Toby" correctly points out, there's no reference to a "riot" in the AP story, which is reprinted in the comments section below.

However, the word was filled in later (I remember seeing it first on the omnivorous Drudge Report the next day), jumping on the strange quotes in the AP article about spilled drinks, a thousand people walking out, and "quite a scene" at the box office. Those quotes are curiously attributed without rebuttal to an Aladdin casino spokesperson. It just seems sloppy. An article about an event from the night before shouldn't create more questions than it answers.

Did anything happen? What? Why do some attendees directly refute the account that was listed in the AP story? Did nothing happen? Then why the story? And so on...

One point we can all agree on, a Linda Ronstadt show in Vegas is not newsworthy in and of itself, even in today's sad celebrity-blinded tee-vee world.

And commenter "Toby" also correctly points out that Ronstadt had a one-night engagement. She had done the concert, and wouldn't have been there the following night. No, she wasn't booted from the stage. But she was terminated from the contract, in the sense that they removed her from the hotel. Maybe not a big deal (what is, if you're Linda Ronstadt?), but it appears to be about as firing-like as you can get once the show's actually over and you've gone back to your room. And why was she removed?

I tend to be rather over-attentive when noticing examples of negative publicity concerning Fahrenheit 9/11 or any other release that criticizes the media. It's a subject of great interest to me. Is this what's happening here? Probably not, but I don't know. If I was an editor, I wouldn't run a story that confusing. I would have asked Ronstadt or her people about the incident, rather than relying on a quote from another article in who-knows-what context... My only source wouldn't have been a casino spokesperson. Maybe this example got to me because of all the major media stories about the Iraq War that relied only on Pentagon spokespeople. Beware of people that tell you exactly what you want to hear; some of them have simply figured out that reporters won't do their homework.

I think it's a real possibility that Michael Moore's people planted this seed, because the tempest it creates always boosts the box office for his movie. His website featured a quick reply in the form of an open letter to the casino. I maintain that this type of story is only possible with the help of sloppy or conspiratorial reporting.

At least I didn't draw a salary for the half-truths and misleading inferences in MY post... Try the veal!

Inspiring exchanges from the July 26 Baseball Primer Lounge

This Day In History: 1267 Inquisition forms in Rome under pope Clement IV.

A few minutes later, someone chimes in: "I didn't expect THAT to top TDIH."

A few minutes later, someone else: "Wait for it... That's because NOBODY expects the Roman Inquisition!"


Also, there was a discussion about music. The topic: if you could bring back one dead musician, to see how their career would have evolved, who would it be? Lots of discussion about Hendrix, Buddy Holly, Bob Marley, etc.

The best quote: "John Bonham?! You're saving a drummer?"

The alternate universe that is Las Vegas

Wow, it keeps happening. The newspapers and the TV people just don't tell the truth about anything anymore. You see, I read last week that Linda Ronstadt had been fired from her gig at the Aladdin in Las Vegas after last Saturday's show. According to the media reports, a near-riot broke out after Ronstadt dedicated her encore to Michael Moore, encouraging fans to go so see "Fahrenheit 9/11." Evidently loud booing ensued, some patrons spilled and threw their drinks, many stormed out and there was a general scene. Ronstadt was promptly fired for security reasons, and she was asked to leave the hotel grounds immediately, presumably for her own safety, you know, after nearly starting a red-state riot.

Only one of those details is true, however: Ronstadt was indeed fired after her remarks. She's been on tour with the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra (no slouches), and has been dedicating her encore to Moore every night, without incident... INCLUDING LAST SATURDAY. As people who actually attended the show have now noted, the press reports have been completely mis-categorized; there was no riot, there wasn't even any booing. The crowd received the encore warmly, no drinks were thrown, there was no stampede of upset patrons, none of that. It didn't happen. Ronstadt had been in her room for over an hour before she even knew anything was up. It appears that the promoters fired her for having different political views than they have.

As rock critic Joseph Smigelski notes, it's an ironic time when rock or pop stars are supposed to shed themselves of political views. I guess it makes sense now that the Clash never really hit it big on the casino circuit. Revolutions and slot machines don't mix.

This story absolutely flabbergasts me, even though it sounded fishy when it was first reported last week. Why would a paper report such blatant misinformation? There were thousands of people at this show--did they think everybody would roll over and allow their assertions to go unchallenged? Or are real events newsworthy anymore? This story wasn't a Fox News story, for Chrissakes, it was the freaking AP!

So I guess my well-tested rule of "if they say it's x, then it's not x" extends to entertainment reporting as well. Jeesh.

Meanwhile, perhaps you've noticed that Springsteen, R. E. M., Dave Matthews, and others are touring swing states this fall, raising money for Moveon.org. Why do the liberals have all the good bands?

And which musicians do the conservatives have? Country music (except for Willie, Lyle, the Dixie Chicks, and others), and... Wayne Newton.

Bitte schon.

I say wear white even after Labor Day...

So, last October there were these huge solar flares, way bigger than scientists thought possible, emanating from our very own sun, which we need for heat and photography. Fortunately, most of the busiest flare activity happened on the OTHER (i. e. the side that doesn't face earth) side of the sun. Still, scientists are skeptical of the newly-depleted ozone layer's ability to guard against solar flares.

Also, and more troubling, the earth's magnetic field continues to weaken. This appeared to have started about the time of the Boer War (mid-nineteenth-century) and now it is estimated that the magnetic field is currently only 15 per cent of its onetime strength. Seriously, I have no fucking idea what that means; I do know, though, that the magnetic field really needs to be working for life on our planet to make any sense. You know, we rely on directions. And months. And sleeping at night. And the rotation of the earth.

One more item from the "no-it's-just-environmental-calamity" file, the earth is getting fatter. There are some complicated reasons why, but the earth is packing on width around the equator, and it's only been going on since 1998. Again, what the hell? I don't know why this is happening, it just seems like the wrong thing for the earth to do. Stay in shape, earth! We really need you to keep spinning, you know, at the same speed.

I'm going to bed. If the magnetic field collapses and I don't get a chance to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.

A shiny moment at the Cafe 334

You know, today I was finishing my pizzette and reading about the desperation $120 billion bailout of the USSR by Western banks in 1987 (if some thing's going to go bankrupt, you know, it has to be on approved terms). And at the table next to me two young men are drinking Coke and eating some sort of dessert, and I overhear one of them say "China" and "aircraft carrier" in the same sentence. Do you remember my post OVER THERE THEY JUST CALL IT "WATER TORTURE", where I talked about the seven carrier groups the U. S. is deploying to Taiwan for summer training exercises? I thought maybe they were talking about that. So I keep listening, covertly. And the guy starts talking about recent war-gaming the Pentagon has done, and about how our military is generally ill-prepared to fight anybody who actually has an army (true), and how we desperately need a new military enemy to save the economy (extremely true), and then he brings up the Persian Gulf war game from summer/fall 2002, and he starts talking about the retired Marine two-star general who was running the other side, a nameless Middle East country that was clearly intended to portray IRAN/Q. And the guy says, "Oh, I can't remember the guy's name, Van something--"

"Van Riper. Paul Van Riper." I say as I get up to leave, and I tried to give him that knowing look. With my shaved head, that look might well terrify people now; I guess I haven't gotten enough feedback to know. At any rate, these guys were, well, shocked. Not in a bad way, more like a 'is this what it's like to get struck by lightning?' sort of way.

Van Riper. I'm pretty sure that's who it was. Maybe my memory's going, too. I guess I haven't gotten enough feedback on that either... that I can remember.

Oh, P. S. Van Riper totally kicked the Pentagon's ass the first day of the war game. He used mail boats and other commercial boats as suicide vehicles and sank two battleships, disabling key abilities of several other U. S. warships. And then he communicated in ways that the ultra-sophisticated U. S. spying mechanisms couldn't detect, like talking outside, and actual horsemen with paper messages. He was kicking their ass, and he was kind of being arrogant about it (probably the point of a war game, really), and so the Pentagon just started over. They basically said, "This time, you can't do this and that and this," etc. Van Riper responded that an actual Middle Eastern opponent probably wouldn't respond conventionally to a U. S. attack, and that they certainly wouldn't settle for a series of lopsided military-vs.-military encounters. That's lunacy, he said.

Yeah, I know, I was thinking the same thing. That Van Riper must be nuts! Guerrilla tactics? Unconventional methods? What planet is HE from, planet Marine Weirdo?

I got it. I remember the whole thing.

Los Alamos, no more pinching, Thai food, the Minneapolis traffic sucks, I've never heard you play, don't touch my feet.

Now, a quick, short humorous post

Dude, I'm rolling rocks tonight...

I want you all to check out McSweeney's Internet Tendency; it's always funny and absurd, but the current crop of stuff is even more funny and absurd. Of special note:

"Car Names Which, When Preceded by the Word 'Anal,' Sound Like Bad Porn"

"Quotes From the Announcers of Wrestlemania XX Which Were, but Should Not Have Been, Meant in All Seriousness"

"What's Up Next for Jack Layton's Mustache?"

Go check it out...

A quick, short serious post

Forty-two soldiers are dead so far this month in Iraq, a country we allegedly don't even run anymore (I know, I know).

Forty-two is a bunch. Imagine six people in a booth in three booths along the wall at Phil's Pub, and then six other square tables in front, with four people at each table. That's forty-two.

Five more vignettes from Lebowski

#1
Walter: "That wasn't her toe."
Dude: "Whose toe was it, Walter?"
Walter: "How the fuck should I know? I do know that nothing about it indicates--"
Dude: "The nail polish, Walter."
Walter: "Fine, dude. As if it's impossible to get some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe--"
Dude: "SOMEONE ELSE'S?! Where the fuck are they gonna--"
Walter: "You want a toe? I can get a toe, believe me. There are ways, dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me."
Dude: "But Walter--"
Walter: "I'll get you a toe by this afternoon--with nail polish. These fucking amateurs; they send us a toe, we're supposed to shit ourselves with fear. Jesus Christ. My point is--"
Dude: "They're gonna kill her, Walter, and then they're gonna kill me--"
Walter: "Well, that's just, that's just the stress talking, Dude. So far we have what looks to me like a series of victimless crimes--"
Dude: "What about the toe!"
Walter: "FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING TOE!"

#2
Dude: "I figure my only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off."
Walter: "Now that is ridiculous, Dude. No one is going to cut your dick off."
Dude: "Thanks, Walter."
Walter: "Not if I have anything to say about it."

#3
Maude: "What do you do for fun?"
Dude: "Oh, you know, the usual. Bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback."

#4
Walter: "This guy fucking walks. I've never been more certain of anything in my life!"

#5
Walter: "JUST BECAUSE WE'RE BEREAVED DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE SAPS!!"

Three vignettes from Lebowski

#1 Walter: "Hmmmm... Well, we WERE in a handicapped spot. It, uh, it was PROBABLY towed."

#2 Dude: "1972 Pontiac LeBaron"
Cop: "Color?"
Dude: "Green. Some brown, or, uh, rust, coloration..."

#3 Dude: "Shit, I know that guy. He's a nihilist."

Phili-bustering...

Well, the Filipinos withdrew their troops and workers from Iraq, today. The coaliton takes another hit! This is like when the Oakland Athletics keep losing star players, but keep winning anyway because they are judicious with their resources and they find suitable non-star replacements, except we aren't finding any replacements, and I'm not convinced "winning" is a real operative term, either.

But I'm winning at long sentences.

I notice the major news organs of the United States still haven't picked up the story out of Australia's leading newspaper (and most-decorated reporter) alleging that Dr. Iyad Allawi, the new prime minister of Iraq, personally murdered six prisoners and seriously wounded a seventh during a surprise visit to a police station in late June. According to two witnesses, he showed up and toured the facility (late June was the period after Allawi had been appointed PM but before he had been handed power). When he viewed the prisoners, he made some comment on how they deserved "worse than death," pulled out a handgun, and shot each of them at close range. And six died. Seems like news to me.

Also, Britain's government admitted it was a little off in its statements about mass graves in Iraq. Earlier this year, the Brits (and this was echoed over here as well) announced they had definitive proof of 400,000 dead in Iraqi mass graves. The only problem is that they've only found 5,000. That's still a lot, but when you're making official statements about how you can't trust the leader of Iraq, you don't want to be off by a factor of FREAKING EIGHTY. Hey, look, 5,000 is still a lot, but let's just say if the world's dictators were seeded in an NCAA-style bracket, this amount of mass graves puts him at about a 3 or a 4. Look, you're not even guaranteed the Sweet Sixteen if you're a 3 or a 4; that's why they play the games!

I'm going to order a copy of the movie "Outfoxed", an eighty-minute documentary about the Fox News Channel and its pronounced bias. It seems good, and I dig media criticism. It's not even a partisan issue for me, it's more big-guy-versus-little-guy. In this scene basically all the readers of this blog are little guys. The film only costs ten bucks, and it pokes a lot of fun at people like Bill O'Reilly just by showing excerpts from their own shows...

Very weird the way Paul Harvey just pronounced "advocacy" on the radio. He said "ad-VOCK-a-cy," a real weird way of saying it. What's up with that, Paul?

What's your favorite magazine?

I just got the new Harper's. I'm gonna read it.

Twenty-two, maybe more

That's how many people will confuse me with Bronko in the next week or so. It's just a guess. JazzFest-goers will see why tomorrow.

Yes, but he's on OUR team.

Over there, they just call it "water torture."

It appears that the Pentagon is planning a large-scale naval exercise off the coast of Taiwan (and thus, off the coast of mainland China) this summer. The operation is called Summer Pulse '04, and about the only thing they could add to justify a crap name like that would be to serve corn dogs and have a crappy blues band playing at the event. The big news about this exercise is that it will involve SEVEN aircraft carrier groups. Each group typically has the carrier, with nine or ten squadrons of planes; a guided missile cruiser; a guided missile destroyer or two; and, of course, all the logistical support needed to keep the ships moving.

To say China isn't thrilled would be an understatement. The Chinese government announced its air force and navy could battle two carrier groups at a time, but seven would overwhelm it; so, they've created an emergency program to enable them to fight seven carrier groups within a decade.

I'm not quite sure what to say about this, except it's weird, and it appears that our country is addicted to militarism, which hasn't yet bode well for a country.

By the way, I'm very fond of my title for this post...

Walk THIS way

Here's a great summary line from a post on the Pandagon political weblog:

"And that's why RunDMC would make better stewards of our national security than the people we have right now."

Hey, RunDMC could totally corner that segment of voters that doesn't want to admit that today's hip-hop beats are cool but that also doesn't want to seem like they don't like rap, so... RunDMC! Kurtis Blow for DEA chief! Whodini (was that his name?) for Vice President! The Fat Boys for head of the EPA, Melle Mel for Secretary of State, and whoever that guy was that rapped at the beginning of "I Feel For You" by Chaka Khan gets to be Ambassador to somewhere pretty.

I'm trying to think of more early 80's rappers, and I'm just too sunburned.

Open thread...

Feel free to comment on the preceding weekend's Brickhouse shows, or anything else.

Ground rules for tonight, July 9.

Well, I see that mortar attacks killed five marines in Samarra, and a vicious firefight ensued, and the reports are that nine died and forty-four were injured, pretty much evenly split between Iraqis and Americans.

So, listen up: tonight, at the Brickhouse, I don't want to see any mortar. Don't even bring it in! I don't want an incident, and I sure don't want nine dead and forty-four injured, so I mean this: if I see ANYBODY with mortar tonight, I'm going straight to the bouncers!

Promise? Come on, now, let's save the mortar for the Garretson Street Dance.

iPOD YOUR BMW

Yes folks, finally a car to directly hook up your iPod. No more worrying about the troublesome single cable it took to do it in the past, now it is all built in for you. So fork out the $40,000 for the luxury of being able to hook up the subpar quality music jukebox you payed the astronomical $400 in the first place. If you've got it, you might as well use it in style!

Mange tussen tak, GW...

This is those days where you ask "Just what do the news programs in our country consider to be news?" For it appears that German reporters are reporting that CHILDREN are among the abused and tortured in American-run Iraqi prisons, not only at Abu Ghraib but in at least one other detention facility in Umm Qasr. This is bad news. This treatment, along with violating everybody's good taste, violates just about every binding convention among the nations of the world.

And yet I haven't seen a damn thing in the U. S. press about it. Weird! The buzz in Norway is that they'll actually rescind their support for the U. S. occupation in Iraq and bring their troops home over this new scandal. Think of that! Bush and Rumsfeld might be losing NORWAY as we speak! Unbelievable. In Pakistan, and Australia, and Jordan, and France, and Denmark, people are reading front-page stories about this. Evidently, our troops and interrogators tortured children in Iraqi prisons, in the past year, as a matter of policy. Yikes.

Looks like a good day to start drinkin' early. Eat that, Norway!

This week's operating rumor

I've decided that the best rumor of the week, from the comments collected from an earlier post by Bronko, is the one by Teeko where he reveals that the Rainmaker is really the Rainstopper. "He's like Mr. Drought." That's fantastic.

I'd like to invite you all to stop by the Brickhouse this weekend to see the Rainstopper, Schmitty, and the Hegg sisters as they play the hit tunes!

Three shoutouts, in a limited series of three shoutouts (cue exciting music).

One: my favorite baseball team, the Minnesota Twins, hasn't given up any runs the last three games. That's the first time that's ever happened to their team. Here's how bad the Royals were this last series: they made the Twins look like the Yankees when THEY'RE playing the Twins. Yeah. Say it three times, shouting, and you'll see what I mean.

Two: there's a terrific This Modern World comic this week. You can view it at workingforchange.com. First there's Russert asking Kerry, "So, Senator Kerry, is light a WAVE or a PARTICLE?", and Kerry talks about how it exhibits the characteristics of both and that either answer is correct depending on definable situations, and the commentators talk about how flip-floppy he is. Then Russert asks Bush, "President Bush, can you spell the word CAT?" It's really terrific. Do go check out This Modern World if you don't already. It's neato-jet.

Three: Gary Puckett doesn't look anything like Kirby Puckett. I don't think they're even related.

Not much of a "shoutout," that last one.

Oh, I'll make that third one a shoutout to Joe Mauer, who is twenty-one years old and playing catcher for the Twins. When he's at bat he's so calm and confident that you would think the Lord is batting. The pitcher winds up, and what's the batter thinking about? An overwhelming love for mankind, and oh, here, I knew you'd lob that piece-of-shit slider to me, and so I've rapped a clean single to center. Plus, Mauer was the catcher these last three games, when nobody got any runs against the Twins. And another thing: when somebody tries to steal a base against Joe Mauer, he usually throws the ball very straight to a guy covering that base, who tags the runner out! I don't know why we didn't think of these things earlier! Here's to you, Chairman Mauer.

Well, it's a strong third...

This is something I saw on Tom Tomorrow's blog, This Modern World. It's trivial and unimportant, but it underscores just how much distance separates the minds of Americans from the minds of damn near everybody else. And because our news agencies refuse to cover world events in any meaningful way, many of us don't know just how bad it is.

Anyway: the World Cricket Cup is coming to the West Indies in 2007, and some American cricket enthusiasts tried to woo some of the games to U. S. soil, to raise interest in cricket. And the International Cricket Council said, um, no thanks. Their reason was hard to argue with: we don't trust your airports, and we need to make sure that any Muslim cricketers get to their WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCHES ON TIME.

Look, I know it's only cricket. I don't give a shit about cricket, but I wish I knew more of the terms and slogans for cricket, because I DO give a shit about terms and slogans. But still, people, the U. S. just got passed over big-time. An international sports body decided that St. Kitts and Nevis were more deserving hosts than the U. S. St. Kitts and Nevis! It sounds like a show on MTV, not an island nation in the Carribean! Sure, I know the difference, but I'm a nerd!

I'm telling you, there's going to be a lot of booing of American athletes at this year's Olympics, much more than ever before. So, I have an idea to help swing things back in our favor: let's change the National Anthem to Rocky Top, the University of Tennessee fight song! That song rocks! You want to talk about winning hearts and minds, you play Rocky Top, and the next thing you know, you've finished a respectable third in the competitive Southeastern Conference! Eat that, Fireflies haters!

I have a gig tomorrow.

I know I'm leaving Sioux Falls, in a bus, at eight o'clock tomorrow morning.

But I have no idea where I'm going. And I don't know when I'll be back.

The view from the edge is creepy, man.

Maybe it's in Minnesota somewhere, right? That wouldn't be so bad.

I can see the head, and the feet, and WHAT'S THAT?

I'm ecstatic after hearing some cobbled-together rough mixes of everything that's going to be on our album. After next weekend, we should just have vocals to add, along with a couple little string and horn touches. I quote the manager from MAJOR LEAGUE, the movie: "Things are startin' to come together, boys."

Here's what I can tell you: there will be twelve songs on TAO BABIES. The total time will be between fifty-five and fifty-six minutes. And there are concert chimes.

We were trying to think of how many different keyboards we've recorded so far, not like it's a game or a contest or anything, just trying to remember, that's all. We have a tendency (by "we" I mean "Bronko") to grab any old keyboard and then find a place for it in the middle of one of Napoleon's songs. Actually, I kid: the parts have all worked out very nicely. So far, we've used a Rhodes Mark II electric piano, a Fazioli concert grand, a Roland XP-80 and a Roland Fantom workstation, an ARP String Ensemble (I can't remember the specific model, but it looks like a Christmas treat), an old Casio war-horse that couldn't be traded for a pair of sneakers straight-up, a very cheap Yamaha contraption that evidently belongs to Rich Show, a bass marimba, a vibraphone, the Korg CX-3 organ simulator, and, of course, the concert chimes. Usually we hook up these keyboards to some sort of effects pedal. Remember, kids, it's not love, it's a Boss Distortion! Don't get hooked! It's not worth it!

And as for the zither, the ukulele, and the juice harp, well, you'll just have to wait until the EP's for them...

Along with general comments on TAO BABIES, feel free to use the comments as a forum on your favorite lines from MAJOR LEAGUE, the movie.

I'm going to sleep now.

Happy Cinco de Julio

This is pretty remarkable: the Justice Department is denying a Freedom Of Information Act request for their database on foreign terrorists by claiming that, um, the computers would crash if they made copies.

One critic of the decision said he thought all computers, even Justice Department ones, were designed to copy stuff onto hard drives and stuff.

They're not even pretending to be serious anymore, right?

the first word of this post is "discorporate." it means "to leave your body."

I don't know about you people, but I had a great time this weekend, what with catching up with the Fireflies, rocking the holy crap out of Lennox, and then spending 30 hours straight in the studio with Mr. Dietr, who is an unstoppable force, when it comes to engineering the rock 'n' roll records. That sentence went on for goddamn ever. Sorry.

The New Era of the Bronko Photogene

Friends, we've reached it. It's such a subtle shift; perhaps many of you didn't even notice it, but we reached it this past weekend: The New Era of the Bronko Photogene. I tell you what, I don't know if Bronko looked that good, or if Captain's just that good with a camera, or if it was because DSSTM wasn't there, but EVERY PICTURE of Bronko from our studio sessions looks great. It's a new era.

Spooncat! had a Saturday marathon yesterday, where we recorded a bunch of stuff, including:

*congas and bass marimba on Anyone
*guitar on Mauve
*piano and electric drums on Dig Bunny
*basic drum, guitar, and piano/Rhodes tracks for Before, This Is What I Say, Self Portrait, Up Is Down, and Marketman.
*concert toms and vibraphone on Watching You Swim In The Dark.

A quick word about Self Portrait: good Lord. This one's going to be a pretty heavy listen, folks. I'm not sure what tipped me over the edge; it could have been the ringing chimes on the chorus, it could have been Captain's wild Brian-May-styled part on the fast section, or it could have been Rainmaker's aggressive timpani playing. Regardless of just what tipped me over the edge, trust me: this song went crazy, and it's never, ever coming back.

Oh, Derek also recorded the first two chapters in his new drum methods compact disc. They are brief and completely improvised while also managing to be chock full of valuable DRUMMING SECRETS. Maybe we'll stick a couple drum lessons on our in-progress EP, "The Green Book: Spooncat! sings songs by Lutherans, for Lutherans."

The cymbal cleaner strikes again at Sharky's.

Listen: this holiday weekend Groove Juice is reuniting, playing a couple of shows down in Vermillion. They're playing at Chalky's, which I call Sharky's, and I always will. In fact, when telling me of the locale, Groove Juice co-founder and lead singer/guitarist Christopher Schmidt Miller told me, "it's at Sharky's." And i said "you mean Chalky's?" You see, he fooled me with my own pet names!

For those of you who don't know, Groove Juice was our horn band compadre for years. Based out of Vermillion, and drinking a lot, they played all over the area, dealing a potent mix of 70's funk and just about everything else, including Devo.

In honor of the occasion, it looks like the VanHouse™ is going to make a little jaunt to Sharky's on Sunday. We're doing it for Christopher Schmidt Miller! And, if you see the bass player, just hand him a cigarette. Just trust me, hand him a cigarette. He's like a cigarette-powered car, only he's not a car!

STORM THE TEMPLE

In 2000, while Governor of Texas, George W. Bush signed a proclamation delcaring June 10 Jesus day, encouraging people to go out and do good deeds in the footsteps of Christ. I guess I'm bummed that I found out about this a month late. But, rest assured, next year I'm going to raid the local Wal-Marts and grab everything I can off of their shelves, throwing it while reciting passages from the New Testament. Personally, I think that's how Jesus would have wanted it.

And next time you see the bumper sticker 'WWJD', ram into the back of the car. A logical response on the roads to What Would Jesus Do? is to assume he didn't know how to operate a motor vehicle. At least not that well.

I'm hungry.

Attention: WE NEED MORE RUMORS!!!

Yes, for the second straight week an article in Friday's Entertainment section of the Argus Leader puts a rumor to rest about our band. We are running short. By next Friday we need something good to advertise our Brickhouse gig. Something like the Hegg brothers aren't actually brothers; a rumor believable because we look nothing like each other. Or how about Christopher Schmidt or Derek Hengevel eat poop. Hurry, time is of the essence!

PART FOUR! HOT OFF THE PRESSES!

First of all, perhaps it was fortuitous that I was away from the phone when Robert Morast left me a voice mail on Wednesday afternoon.

From today's Argus Leader: "Fireflies, Spooncat! show in Lennox kills rumor." This is the strangest headline I have seen that doesn't involve some sort of wordplay or sexual innuendo.

The story is worth checking out, as it quotes our agent, John Steever, and mis-spells three of the five Spooncat! members' names. Some quoteable lines: "it will be interesting to see what kind of crowd the two most popular bands in the area can attract." "'We all know the Spooncat! guys, and we're so friendly" (a quote by Van Sickle).

The crux of the rumor is, of course, techically false. And we do all get along very amicably. And we haven't played any shows together since September of 2002, mostly because we've been on a couple of hiatuses while Kory has been opening for famous bands.

Think how maddening and amusing it is to be a public figure. This story in today's Argus Leader was priceless. It can only help.

Easily the most important news of July 2, parts 1-3

1) Fox News, in doing a graphic for their expose on the pornography industry, showed a web site where the woman's exposed breast was blurred out, but the penis and actual penetration are displayed! That's clever! Next thing you know, Murdoch will start showing topless women in one of his newspapers!

2) We're going on a WifeHunt™ tonight in the VanHouse™. Possible destinations: our show in Lennox, where we are scheduled to play; the Brickhouse Brewery; somewhere that sells Parliaments; jail.

3) Marlon Brando has died. He's the Stevie Wonder of acting. He was a young wunderkind whose prolific output and revolutionary methods won him both critical praise and a huge following. Then, after a run of awards (for Brando, his first four feature roles, 1951-1954, were all nominated for Best Actor; for Wonder, his first four self-produced albums, 1972-1976, were all nominated for Best Album), he ran out of ideas and gained weight. After a couple of returns to glory, he settled into a life of basically hiring out his name and legend for guest appearances in movies/concerts.

Rest in peace, Marlon Wonder.

The Tao of babies, continued late at night.

Yes, yes, friends, this weekend marks the continuation of the recording of TAO BABIES, which is certain to be the most important album in the world. Our grand-master plan for this holiday weekend is to record the final rhythm tracks for "Self-Portrait", "Up Is Down", "Marketman", "Before", and "This Is What I Say." We will also do all manner of crazy overdubs.

And we'll take pictures! Lots of them!