2005-01-28

Tonight's late-night Random Ten

1) Read Me My Rights - Nothing Personal
2) String Quartet No. 8 (Dmitri Shostakovitch) - Kronos Quartet
3) Magnetic - Earth, Wind & Fire
4) Theme To An Endless Bummer - Chappaquiddick Skyline
5) ZigZag - Caribbean Jazz Project
6) Sweet Thing (reprise) - David Bowie
7) Without Her - Blood, Sweat & Tears
8) Chain Lightning - Steely Dan
9) Piano Concerto No. 3 (Bela Bartok) - London Symphony Orchestra
10) I Found Something - Marvin Gaye

This "shuffle" function thrills me sometimes...

For a terrific encore, #11 was from my Movie Quotes collection, the one where Frank Drebin says "nice beaver!" in "Naked Gun."

Joel, I remember your birthday. I was just making a rhetorical flourish about how many birthdays there are, and how many important birthdays at that!

How about "Lassus Trombone" for #12? No shit. This is getting weird. I'm powering down...

2005-01-26

Capers

Spooncat! will be in Brookings the next four nights, accompanying those crazy SDSU students in the 2005 edition of Capers. It's all about the crotch and the beer, people.

Also, looking ahead: Spooncat! will be at Phil's Pub the weekend of February 18-19. We're celebrating a bunch of birthdays in that general time frame, most of all Bronko on that Friday. He'll be the hammered one in the corner. Just remind me in the comments if your birthday is in that general timeframe. Barky and Kerry, hell, we might as well celebrate your birthday that weekend as well.

Today's Random Ten... or twenty

First, the Ten from the entire folder (11,787 songs):

1) California - Joni Mitchell
2) I Would Die 4 U - Prince & The Revolution
3) Bernadette - The Four Tops
4) Derivations for Clarinet and Band (Morton Gould) - DePaul University Wind Ensemble
5) Theme from "Dallas" - Spooncat! (live, Halloween 2001)
6) Got To Get You Into My Life - The Beatles
7) The Garden - Bobby McFerrin
8) The Singer Not The Song - The Rolling Stones
9) Ran Kan Kan - Tito Puente
10) Symphony no. II (David Maslanka) - University Of Arizona Wind Ensemble

Cool. A couple of wind ensemble pieces, including a symphony by Maslanka. Maslanka's Symphony No. 4 is on the program for the Dakota Wind Ensemble's spring concert, I believe.

However, "I Would Die 4 U" is not on the DWE's program, as of yet. Imagine, "Fantasia on Themes from 'Purple Rain'" for concert band. Wow.

Another thing: how the hell does "Dallas" keep popping up? It's only on the computer twice, once for the original recording, once for the Spooncat! cover. Hey, America's Team, right?

Here's today's All Eighties, all killah no fillah:

1) Antmusic - Adam and the Ants
2) She Bop - Cyndi Lauper
3) Find Another Fool - Quarterflash
4) Little Girls - Oingo Boingo
5) Heaven In My Hands - Level 42
6) I Want A New Drug - Huey Lewis & The News
7) Kiss - The Art of Noise featuring Tom Jones
8) Raspberry Beret - Prince & The Revolution
9) Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx
10) Lost In Love - Air Supply

Goddamnit, those last two really harshed my Eighties buzz. Then again, I'm an ARCHIVIST. I even have the Eighties hits I detest. I have them all, right here on my computer. "Little Girls" has that ridiculous horn introduction that I like so much. Level 42 was a very good band. I have nothing to say about Tom Jones that hasn't already been said, or even blogged.

There we go. I bid you a good afternoon. Thanks for listening. Here's a tune from 1981 by the Greg Kihn Band, "The Breakup Song." They just don't write 'em like that anymore...

2005-01-25

Dateline Hy-Vee: January 24, 26th and Sycamore edition

I was in that part of town, so I went to a DIFFERENT Hy-Vee. You know, one of the suburban ones with a very trendy organic foods section, and lots of booze. The song: "Brass In Pocket (I'm Special)" by the Pretenders. Score one for 26th and Sycamore. Logic dictates that their selections aren't all as cool as this one...

2005-01-24

Super Bowl

Once again, it will be all Pennsylvania teams in the Super Bowl. Coincidence? I think not!

Big 80's, maybe even some hair?

Here's tonight's all-Eighties Random Ten:

1) Pleasure Principle - Janet Jackson
2) Change Of Heart - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
3) Private Eyes - Hall & Oates
4) My Brave Face - Paul McCartney
5) Heartbreak Beat - Psychedelic Furs
6) Mickey - Toni Basil
7) Stuck On You - Lionel Richie
8) Mad About You - Belinda Carlisle
9) Faithfully - Journey
10) Pipes Of Peace - Paul McCartney

What the hell? Most of these songs aren't any good. Well, I see my role as an archivist when it comes to the 1980s...

One more?

Lady (You Bring Me Up) - The Commodores

Yes. This is widely regarded to be the last example of "Good Lionel," although some partisans will argue that "All Night Long (All Night)" is actually a hip song. Some, not all...

Good night.

2005-01-22

I have to. Here's your 1983 Random Ten, 1.22.05

1) Say Say Say - Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson
2) Hot Girls In Love - Loverboy
3) Electric Avenue - Eddy Grant
4) White Wedding - Billy Idol
5) Heart And Soul - Huey Lewis & The News
6) Major Tom Coming Home - Peter Schilling
7) Time (Clock Of The Heart) - Culture Club
8) Every Breath You Take - The Police
9) Tell Her About It - Billy Joel
10) P. Y. T. (Pretty Young Thing) - Michael Jackson

You know, at least there are two of those crazy one-hit wonders that 1983 was so noteworthy for: the unsolicited sequel to David Bowie's "Space Oddity" (Schilling) and the strange, hypnotic social justice of Eddy Grant. I love 1983.

1.22 Random Ten

1) Hot (I Need To Be Loved, Loved, Loved) - James Brown
2) Theme from "Unsolved Mysteries" - various artists
3) Layin' It Down - Buddy Rich Big Band
4) Into The Mystic - Van Morrison
5) Poveri Fiori - Dave Douglas
6) I Believe In Myself - Tower Of Power
7) Conception - Bill Evans
8) The Sea - Morcheeba
9) 19. The Dirty Thirties - Helmer
10) 'Round Midnight - The Bill Holman Big Band

Helmer, by the way, is my good friend Matt Smith's grandfather. Matt recorded Helmer speaking on the experiences of his life, and had me transfer the microcassettes to CD. The material is so poignant, I can't bring myself to delete it from my computer, and so it appears from time to time.

The best tune in this list: it's close, but I have to place Bill Evans' unbelieveable adaptation of the George Shearing tune "Conception" just ahead of Van Morrison. A lot of days, Van would have won this. But THAT'S WHY THEY PLAY THE GAME.

Number 11 is, what else? "Welcome To The Party" by the Har-You Percussion Group. I have lots of Latin jazz, and this is the first time it's popped up on a Random Ten. Maybe it's hibernating until the temperatures get better.

It's not so much the heat as it is the humor

I highly recommend McSweeney's Internet Tendency, especially the entry "Making Reruns of Television Sitcoms More Exciting by Adding a Weapon" by Dan Kennedy. Yeah, I know, those Kennedys! Watch out!

Also, let me recommend a website that I can only imagine is gaining a cult-like following: meph.eu.org

This site has a variety of very addicting games, especially "Smack The Pingu" and "Seal Bounce." It appears that "Smack The Pingu" is referred to as "Penguin 1" on the site, but that's not what we should call it. We should call it "Smack The Pingu."

After you smack the pingu, you're supposed to say "Yes! I Ripped It!"

You guys let me know if you do better than 487 in Seal Bounce. And no cheating.

2005-01-21

Friday afternoon (sing it with me)

Here's the random ten for today.

1) When Lights Are Low - Miles Davis
2) You - Hank Harris
3) To Mexico - Spooncat! (June 2002)
4) The Blues Walk - Lyle Lovett
5) Revolution 1 - The Beatles
6) The End Has No End - The Strokes
7) To My Brother - The J. B.'s
8) Day Is Done - Nick Drake
9) Vitamin R (Leading Us Along) - Chevelle
10) Sugar And Spice (Scritti Politti)

This list sort of rocks. No classical stuff, not too much of that highbrow jazz. It's ALMOST like I'm a normal person.
The best song on that list is easy: White Album, White Album, White Album.

And, something I'm quite fond of, today's random ten from the Early Eighties Preservation Society, 1982-84:

1) Always Something There To Remind Me - Naked Eyes
2) Break My Stride - Matthew Wilder
3) Pink Houses - John Cougar Mellencamp
4) Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
5) The Glamorous Life - Sheila E.
6) White Wedding - Billy Idol
7) What Is Love - Howard Jones
8) You Can Do Magic - America
9) If This Is It - Huey Lewis & The News
10) Who Can It Be Now? - Men At Work

Wow.

The blogs must be crazy, part II

Here's a quick question? What do Mickey Dolenz, Woody Allen, Jack Nicholson, Marlon Brando, Brian Eno, Adam Carolla, Eddie Vedder, Ted Turner, Ron Reagan, Jr., Steven Soderbergh, Annika Sorenstam, Randy Newman, Barry Manilow, George Carlin, Dave Barry, and David Cross have in common?

2005-01-20

The List, Thursday morning

Demetrious, that's a good list there in the comments. Thirty-one thousand songs? Well, by the time each one has played, in APRIL, you'll need some new stuff...

That's APRIL... 2007.

Here's today's bag of fun:

1) "I Me Mine" - The Beatles
2) "Blowin' In The Wind" - Bob Dylan
3) "Twang" - John Scofield
4) "Southern Harmony" by Donald Grantham - North Texas Wind Symphony
5) "What You Need" - INXS
6) "Trouble Man" - Marvin Gaye
7) "Slow Down" - The Beatles
8) "I Want Candy" - Bow Wow Wow
9) "Know" - Nick Drake
10) "Theme from 'Dallas'" - Spooncat!, Halloween 2001

My favorite song in this list is the Southern Harmony. It's brilliant, and Grantham is one of my absolute favorite composers. Besides, last night I learned that he loves whiskey. Seriously.

But, the best French horn line, well that's easy: "Dallas", every time.

Good Lord, "Jessie's Girl" just started. Being a member of the Early Eighties Preservation Society, I feel compelled to have most iconic Eighties hits on file, including songs by "General Hospital" stars.

All right, I have to ten more, from the Early Eighties Preservation Society folder:

1) "Purple Rain" - Prince & the Revolution
2) "Strangelove" - Depeche Mode
3) "Fortress Around Your Heart" - Sting
4) "Perfect Way" - Scritti Politti
5) "Barbarism Begins At Home" - The Smiths
6) "Maneater" - Hall And Oates
7) "Heat Of The Moment" - Asia
8) "Every Breath You Take" - The Police
9) "The Bird" - The Time
10) "So Alive" - Love And Rockets

Dateline Hy-Vee: January 19

Hey, I almost forgot: I went to everybody's favorite Hy-Vee, and, when standing in the "paper products" aisle, where the kleenex and paper towels are on one side and the toilet paper on the other, I could hear the MUSIC! Ironically enough, the song was "Do It ('TIl You're Satisfied)" by the B. T. Express, which has already been reported in past Dateline: Hy-Vees...

This time it wasn't the long version. And on the way out, I could kinda hear right when you get outside, and I'm pretty sure it was "Slide" by Slave.

So, the funk is back in the Vee. Can you imagine Doobie in your Vee?

2005-01-17

The list, Monday evening...

All right, I'm done writing down notes for the day. It's time to listen to something else. Here's tonight's random ten:

1) The Rhythm of the Heat (Peter Gabriel)
2) San Jacinto (Peter Gabriel)
3) Broke (The Beta Band)
4) The Dopamine Rush (Eric Leeds)
5) Manteca (Dizzy Gillespie)
6) No Line (Miles Davis)
7) Tell Me Something Good (Earth, Wind & Fire)
8) Beauty Mark (Rufus Wainwright)
9) Caricatures: Andy Warhol--by Jere Hutcheson (North Texas Wind Symphony)
10) Stripped (Depeche Mode)

Well, how about this. One can't get much more androgynous than the last three, with Rufus and Depeche Mode and a wind ensemble portrait of Andy Warhol. Good Lord. Oddly enough, with about 12,000 in the iTunes library, the first two are by Mr. Gabriel. And, in the case of the aforementioned Andy Warhol piece, it's only fitting that a fair amount of wind ensemble compositions pop up now and again. I have several hundred on the computer, because I like listening to wind ensembles, but also because I want to compose for them. Thankfully, no drum corps shows have emerged yet; another work-related catalog in the iTunes folder (yes, I have hundreds of those, too).

Eric Leeds was Prince's sax player in the 80s. It's his sax sound on songs like "Hot Thing" and "Girls And Boys." His solo work is not nearly as distinguished, I'm afraid. That one is the worst song on this list. The best: that's a tough call. I like the Caricatures movement, but the best part of that piece is the Edgar Allan Poe movement, so instead I'll award it to Manteca, Dizzy's Latin big-band classic. This version is from the "Gillespiana" album, which I highly recommend to big-band or Latin fans.

And, horrifically, the 11th song, playing now as I wrap up this post, is "It Better End Soon, 2nd Movement" from Chicago II, back when they felt compelled to make everything a double album, whether they had good material or not. This part features a rambling duet between the flute and an obviously drugged-up voice.

Whew! It's over. Cubanismo's on now. Gotta go.

More lists in the comments! I like seeing what shows up on people's iPods, good, bad, and ESPECIALLY UGLY!

2005-01-16

The list, Sunday morning

I'm just sitting at my desk, winding down, so I put the iTunes on shuffle (rather than the iPod), and here are the first ten songs that came up:

1) Sly - Herbie Hancock
2) Door #3 - John Scofield
3) Orbit (Unless It's You) - Bill Evans
4) I Like It There - Prince
5) Anything (To Get Your Attention) - Van Hunt
6) Dancing In The Dark - Diana Krall
7) Allentown - Billy Joel
8) King Rat - Spooncat! (Phil's Pub 1/23/99)
9) Once Upon A Summertime - Miles Davis
10) The Sweetest Punch - Elvis Costello with Burt Bacharach

This is not so bad, I guess. More jazz than one would expect: Herbie, Bill, Miles, and Scofield. Ironically, both a husband (Costello) and a wife (Krall) had songs in the random ten. And, since I have so many board tapes and old archived live gigs on my computer, there's always a risk that some strange Spooncat! live selection will make its way into the list. This version of "King Rat" was odd. Someone, it may have been me, started it with a referee's whistle, and then all hell started breaking loose.

Please, friends, feel free to add your own random ten lists in the comments. Let's see what the machines spit up when you put them on the spot!

Oh, and there was one Eighties song, so all of my research has been paying off. My only regret is that I don't have a recording of Bronko singing "Allentown." It's quite the trip.

My favorite song of those ten is the Bill Evans. An unbelievable tune. A respectable second is the Van Hunt tune. Van Hunt makes music that Lenny Kravitz, deep down, wishes he could make. I can't prove that...

Oh, I have to go, song #11 just started, and it's fucking Queen...

2005-01-14

Best. Headline. Ever.

Today's award for the Best Headline Ever goes to the venerable Sioux Falls Argus Leader. The A1 story, above the fold: "Lutherans take middle ground." I've thought about this now for about seven minutes, and there just isn't a better way to sum up Lutherans.

This headline is in stark contrast to others in today's paper, including "Prairie dog plan's cost: $150,000." Is it an actual plan conceived by prairie dogs? Because if I were among a group of ambitious prairie dogs, and human money was supposed to pay for our plan, I'd probably go overboard too! What can it hurt?

Another goodie: A letter to the editor was given the title "Missing the sarcasm," while right below that headline is a picture of Ricky Martin bowing to a family in Thailand.

Maybe the best line from today's letters to the editor: "Isn't it a blessing that God knows our hearts and exactly where we stand on issues and what we are thinking?" That's just spooky, especially the part where it careens into a complex sentence.

Here's a strange sentence from a letter about tsumani aid: "There's military support, prayer support, and people actually going to the site to do what they can." What the hell? People actually going to the site--that's aid!! How do you rank the military and the power of prayer over those who are on site, pulling bodies out of the wreckage and distributing food? It's a very strange sentence, in my humble opinion.

If it looks like a Duck...

Oh, I think we're rounding up a good group of West-SIDE and East-SIDE peoples for our little romp in the cold on Saturday over at the Thirsty Duck. Do come check it out. If I have anything to say about it, we'll even play "Medicated Goo," with Bronko singing the lead vocals, drunk off his ass.

Wow. Did I just type "drunk off his ass?"

Wow.

See you Saturday, suckers.

2005-01-11

The Moonesota Vikings

NOTE: I haven't seen Jon's post about the Vikings. We're just both thinking football, I guess!

I was surprised and pleased with the Vikings' win over Green Bay on Sunday. It appears that the coaching staff re-examined some of their assumptions and decided to try a different strategy to correct failures or shortcomings. This seems obvious; it's something that Bill Belichick's Patriots do every week when game-planning, but it's something that escaped Vikings coaches for much of this year and last year. Early in the season, the Vikings played a compelling game against Dallas (who we later learned wasn't a terrific team by any measure), but in that first game their best run blocker and their starting right tackle were injured and lost for the season. It wasn't until last Sunday that the Vikings played a similarly complete game.

The Vikings have a deep stable of running backs, and all of them were hurt or unavailable for parts of the season, making the team's depth enviable. But the Vikings also have not decided on a plan to use any, let alone all, those backs in actual offensive plays. Even in their impressive playoff performance, the team's leading rusher was a scrambling Daunte Culpepper. The offense didn't see the need for a screen pass until late in the game (where it worked wonderfully, and it would have worked wonderfully all game). Matt Birk, the All-Pro center, is the best pulling center in the game. If he has a weakness, it's stand-up blocking on the nose tackle for dive plays. In addition, Grady Jackson of the Packers is the best run-stopper the Vikings will face. It seems reasonable to avoid dive plays, especially with the back (Michael Bennett) LEAST likely to break tackles running up the middle. Yet the Vikings tried four or five of these dives early in the game, more than one of them losing yardage. It led to the coaches believing they couldn't run against the Packers defense, and in the third quarter, when the team ran deep routes for the whole quarter without any screens or draws to re-direct the Packers' increasingly effective blitzing, it looked like this talented offense would again fall apart in the second half.

But look what happened! The Vikings went back to the things they do as well as any team in the league. A quick pass in the flat to a single-covered Nate Burleson resulted in big yards, which it always seems to. On second and long, Daunte picked up good chunks of yardage running or dumping it off to Jermaine Wiggins, terrific options compared to the desperate downfield attempts to a limping wide receiver that characterized so many recent second halves. And they ran off-tackle, where the running backs have some space to make the vulnerable Packer defenders miss tackles, and they ran a screen pass, where the running backs have some space to make the vulnerable Packer defenders miss tackles! I don't know why the team makes it so hard sometime; it's not that hard. The screens and draws, off-tackles and quick passes will always work. Pittsburgh's opponents know that the Steelers intend to run the ball down their throat. If they plan for the run, the Steelers still can ram it down their throat, because they're good. The Colts' opponents know that Peyton Manning is going to audible to any number of pet routes to Reggie Wayne or Marvin Harrison. But the defense can't stop it, because the Colts are really good. The Vikings would enjoy similar success if they just stuck with the approach that always works. Too often, the team's coordinators appear to talk themselves out of success, convinced the defense is ABOUT to stop the screens and short passes, even though they haven't yet, all season. Instead, after a couple dive plays and a long-developing pass play where Daunte doesn't have time or comfort to find the open receiver, the Vikings punt and punt and punt. The Vikings have enough offensive talent that even these poorly called games and drives work out well on occasion; the problem then is that Mike Tice and Scott Linehan are left to assume that the team's failures were the result of a good defense, instead of poor scheming and an inability to adapt.

Similarly, on defense, the Vikings actually figured out that they're reasonably fast, and if they force the tempo, the other team's offense will make rushed mistakes. Brett Favre, clearly not the best quarterback in the division anymore, threw four interceptions on Sunday, and it was because of an uncharacteristically aggressive Vikings defense. The blitzing would have worked all season. Defensive coordinator Ted Cottrell said that the team's youth and inexperience led him to be skeptical of the effectiveness of blitzing. Yet the team's inexperience (or ineptitude) in the linebacking corps and at the safety positions led to big plays for the other teams all over the field, plays which were allowed to develop according to plan because of the Vikings' steadfast refusal to disrupt the opponent's timing. On Sunday, much of that changed, and the result was a clear and formidable victory.

The Vikings are a terribly flawed team. They have suffered myriad injuries to the offense, and the resulting lack of continuity has led to more penalties, a more redundant playbook, and many missed opportunities. On defense, the team clearly lacks a linebacker with any ability to correctly position the defense and dictate the tempo of the play. The linebackers seemed confused, simply running the wrong direction much of the time, like when you're playing a video game with the controller upside down in your hands. It's very disorienting, and obviously something that needs immediate correction. The Vikings had an underachieving Chris Hovan and a clearly tired Kenechi Udeze on the defensive line, and two of the weakest safeties in football and no respectable depth at cornerback. Strong safety Corey Chavous appeared to spend so much time trying to point other, younger defenders in the right direction that he wasn't able to concentrate on his own task of covering receivers and providing run support.

It's nice to see that the coaches have responded to the team's glaring weaknesses in an attempt to neutralize their impact on a game (albeit ten weeks late). Can't run up the middle? Don't; run somewhere else. Can't find time for those deep routes against this blitz? Throw a screen, or throw twelve in a row, until you score or until they stop it. Can't rely on disciplined coverage from the fast linebackers? Blitz them and try to force an early pass. Can't make tackles? Replace them with someone who will. It's not rocket science, this coaching, but it's also not without diplomatic considerations and fifty rich but fragile men. I congratulate the coaches on the adjustments they've made, and I hope they spend a lot of time watching film of the 2003 Eagles, because that's who they're playing this Sunday.

Oh, and the moon thing. Again, I think the pants actually have to be down if it's to be a "moon." I think the Packers fans get too much credit for being "classy." Many of them seem drunk, like Browns fans, except with a fawning media spotlight. One Packers announcer said he was sorry the team lost, but they won't lose sleep because they have a classy team, unlike Moss and the Vikings. It's such a ridiculous statement that it almost doesn't merit a response. But this is too much fun! The Packers feature a running back (Najee Davenport) who spent time in jail for shitting in a woman's closet, all over her clothes, in the course of stalking and intimidating her into courtship. Quarterback Brett Favre very publicly denied his addiction to alcohol, first, and Vicodin, second, before undergoing rehab for both. Former tight end (and Favre roommate) was arrested for statutory rape. He was convicted, although I believe he pled down.

The Vikings are full of creeps too. A couple of years ago at one of the team's winter functions, there were sexual harrassment and rape allegations against one team member and several former Vikings players. Defensive end Kenny Mixon has had several DUIs. Randy Moss appears to be a real mixed bag, part misunderstood, part charitable, part creep. He did run into a traffic cop with his car, something I can't imagine ever doing, even if provoked. Quarterback Daunte Culpepper was born IN JAIL. He's actually a great guy, by all accounts, but the point is this: the NFL is full of people who have either been pampered through school due to their talent, or scoffed at due to their upbringing and/or race. They all excel at the modern-day gladiator sport, football. There are a whole bunch of chips on those shoulders, and not everybody is able to deal with the spotlight well. A huge percentage (it's over 30%) of the NFL's players have been arrested, and a dossier of ugly off-field incidents fills every NFL town's papers. It's just the way it is. Somehow, like the Oakland Raiders before them, the Vikings are on the verge of becoming "the bad guys." If it actually happens, it's terrific. Everybody wants to be the bad guys, deep down. There's a lot of Lutherans in this part of the country who, if they weren't diehard, irrational Vikings fans to begin with, would be very scared of that hair.

Me, I love the hair. Those who pick together, stick together...

A Few Notes On This Past Week

Two fascinating things transpired in the last week. First, it has been two months since Jon Stewart, host of the Comedy Central's "The Daily Show," appeared on CNN's political debate show "Crossfire" and lambasted it as hurting America among many other accurate accusations. At the time Tucker Carlson had no idea what to do. He initially fought back by turning the same questions on Stewart's show. Jon nicely pointed out his show follows puppets that do prank calls on a comedy network. Tucker eventually resorted to just expressing how disappointed he was that Jon wasn't very funny on his (Tucker's) show. Well, Crossfire has been cancelled in a way. Instead of being an hour long political debate show it has been relegated to a ten minute blip appearing within another show on the network. Three of the four hosts have been retained. Tucker Carlson is the first one out. The reason? It seems the head of CNN agrees with the wildly popular Stewart. Directly citing Stewart's attacks on the show, CNN agrees that Crossfire isn't the show it was intended to be. I find all of this quite funny and immensely gratifying. It seems like the host of a news show on a comedy network is beginning to push major networks to do their job.

Secondly, the lunar eclipse in Lambaugh Field, courtesy of Randy Moss, has gotten reactions that surprise me. Of course FOX, who aired the game, and ESPN had to protect the NFL's image by initially callling this move disgusting, classless, and every synonym applicable. That was expected. But I have read five articles (and only five) since then that have absolutely defended the star wide receiver, even after walking out on his team with an impossible two seconds left in a season-ending loss to the Redskins. The articles come from a wide variety of interests. The reasons they defend him are plentiful. I'll recite a few.

It seems the Packer fans (yes those blessed Packer fans you never hear anything bad about) have a ritual when a division rival loses up in Green Bay. They line up and moon the bus on the way out of the stadium. Tony Dungy, the mild-mannered coach of the Colts, pointed this out, saying he liked what Moss did. You lose, you get mooned. You win a big playoff game on their turf, you moon back. Especially following a week of heavy criticism that guaranteed Moss would be the reason the Vikings lost big at Green Bay.

Sports columnist Dave Zirin finds it interesting that Joe Buck would so quickly call Moss' celebratory dance disgusting. This coming from a man who does Budweiser commercials with Leon, a lazy and egomaniacal wide receiver thinly disguised as Moss. A commercial that comes complete with a lovely helping of racism and homophobia.

FOX's James Brown followed suit, calling the incident classless, ignorant, and embarrassing. This from a man who works for a company with shows like "Who's Your Daddy" - a reality show where a young woman in skimpy attire has to guess which man out of twenty is her father.

And of course the NFL doesn't mind at all the millions of dollars pouring in for the advertising of beer, erection aids, cars, and somehow sex in all three as well.

My take is that Moss is clever in a way that Madonna was (and probably to a much lesser degree). He knows how to inspire reactions. Sometimes they have been debilitating. In this instance I would say that the Vikings won their first playoff game in four years because of him. On the field Moss has had two or three moments in his career that rival Terrell Owens' weekly tactics. He gets in the endzone quite often and usually gives the ball to someone in the crowd or the official. Why the change this week? He had just iced a playoff game he set his team up to win. The mooning is retribution to a gangsterous crowd that takes no time to ridicule the talented Moss, it is retribution to the pundits who spent the whole week reporting that his bad attitude is wrecking his team, and it sets the Vikings up to actually compete against the Eagles in next weekend's matchup. Who knows, the Vikings may get creamed. I can believe this a possibility with their coaching staff. But if they contend, and possibly win, it will again be because of this one man. A wide receiver at that. It is tough to have so much impact on a game when you touch the ball 4 to 8 times a game. Culpepper has had one of the best five seasons in NFL history at quarterback and it translated into 8 wins (the records of the other four: 14-2, 14-2, 13-3, 12-4). Maybe we should spend the week talking about how absolutely amazing Moss' abilities are and how any team with him on it is extremely better off than without him, especially in big games.

Foie gras, this Saturday. Seriously.

You know how we humans attain the delicacy FOIE GRAS? My understanding is, we just batter the duck's liver, force-feeding the duck something like twenty pounds of grain every day through air-driven feeding tubes. Ducks can't eat that much, they just can't handle it. Some of them don't even make it to slaughter. By the end of this crazy month-long binge, we have foie gras, at least from the ducks whose body holds up. And it tastes good.

The musical equivalent is going to happen this Saturday, January 15, at the Thirsty Duck. Spooncat!'s going to force-feed so much nutritional music down that Duck's throat, they're not going to be able to handle it. It will be a wonder if they even make it to slaughter. I invite all of you to join in the battering of the livers, if you will. The grain alcohol will be flowing, perhaps through tubes.

We'll worry about the inhumanity of all this later, perhaps on Sunday, when we're picking up the mess.

2005-01-10

A quick note to Ralph S., concerning his post on the Star Tribune's Vikings Talk forum

Ralph, if you're going to spell "annals" incorrectly, it's best not to drop one of the n's. I would try to find another way to mis-spell it. This way, it really changed the meaning of the sentence. I didn't even think history had a butt, let alone several!!

Also, a general quibble: where was 80% of the U. S. internet-using population on the day in school where we were taught that the possessive "its" has no apostrophe? I mean, we know that, right? It's the contraction that uses an apostrophe. I did that on purpose.

And again, with the bitching. "Of" is not a helping verb! The correct construction is "should have" and not "should of." I think I blogged about this earlier, when it was warmer.

Oh well. I was reading through some of the Vikings talk forum because I'm getting a kick out of all the moral outrage that Randy Moss' silly little move has caused in the sports media. Apparently, my view of "mooning" is fading into the minority; I thought that "mooning" required actually pulling down your pants, so that the ass was exposed, in all its glory. Do you see how goddamn easy it is to use the possessive form correctly? Monte Preabt (address not listed), do you see?

2005-01-07

C'mon, Teeko, what's wrong with "Union Of The Snake"?

2005-01-06

...Then I found out Butch Cassidy killed himself here...

...bow and arrow, very weird...

Say, evidently King Tut got a CT scan today. Historians are trying to determine what caused his death (estimated to be when he was seventeen), and so they took a whole bunch of pictures of his skull.

I saw a picture, and his feet seemed big. But then again, it was a mummified skeleton, and the feet is where all the bones are, right? Am I right, dude?

2005-01-05

WWTDD? (What Would Tom DeLay do?"

Tuesday morning at the House prayer breakfast, Tom DeLay actually recited the House on the Rock parable.

Think about that. I find it stunning. And tasteless.

Maybe he's smoked a lot. I hear that can really mute your taste buds.

2005-01-03

Dateline Sunshine Foods: January 3, 4:06 p. m.

Sunshine Foods is now three-for-three in having cool songs on when I go in there. Unfortunately, they are only two-for-three for having a good VERSION of the song playing... Today's cut: "Knock On Wood", the wretched 1979 disco remake by Amii Stewart that topped the charts.

Eddie Floyd, wherefore art thou...